STXWM Blog

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8

If you go back and read this whole chapter, it is referring to a time when people were out to get David.  There are some other amazing, encouraging verses in this chapter as well about remembering God’s faithfulness and declarations about trusting in God no matter what.  I encourage you to go back and read it when you have time.

I cannot relate fully to the beginning verses.  I personally have never had people pursuing me with the intent to kill me. (Thank you, Lord.)  But, I think we have all experienced a time when someone was talking about us who did not have our best interest, or even the truth, in mind.  Furthermore, I can say with absolute certainty that I have experienced hardships at times that felt unfair.  I have been in a place before where I found myself saying “I don’t deserve this.  I did what was right.”

For about two years now I have begun to feel that my life was starting to go backwards.  I am not saying that nothing good has happened at all or that I have not seen God’s hand moving on my behalf during that time but things have just been hard.  I am living now in one of those times when there have been a lot more tears than I am used to crying.

I am not in a season of life that I am loving on a daily basis.  I am divorced and I have 3 children with my ex-husband.  For 14 years I saw all of my kids most days with the exception of short visits with their dad after the divorce.  About 2 years ago, my kids started expressing an interest in seeing what it would be like to live at their dad’s house.  This is absolutely natural and something I had been asking God to prepare me for for years.  I knew a day would come when they would want to try living with him and an age would come when the custody agreement would allow them to.  I was not angry with them for their choice or for the love they have for their dad.  I taught them to love him.  But my heart was broken to know that I would not see them everyday anymore.  During the last two years they have all gone to live with dad for different periods of time.  My daughter tried it for one semester of school and decided to come home but my sons have both stayed.  

Through this experience, I am learning a new way to parent.  I am learning a lot about God and how He loves my babies.  I am also praying more and differently for my ex-husband than I ever have before.  And in this process there have been so many tears.  As I have grown closer to God through this I have learned something new about Him.  My tears are precious to Him.  

He does not think I am too emotional or overreacting.  Others may hear this story and say that this is not a hardship.  It’s just part of life after divorce and that I shouldn’t feel the way I do about it.  But what I have found as I have read through the Bible is that God does not shy away from tears and sorrow.   He sits with us in our sorrow and He treasures our tears.  

The tears mean that you are allowing yourself to feel and share those feelings.  Share them with God.  He wants to hear from you.  He is not afraid when you are mad or confused.  He is not worried about your questions.  Bring it all to Him, tears and all, because I have learned another thing too.  The tears are cleansing.  The burden will be lighter and the heartbreak a little easier to bear after we bring it all to Jesus and have a good cry with Him.  So go ahead and cry, girl.  Then get up and keep going.  I don’t know how long your season has lasted or much longer you have to go but I do know that you have a God who wants to be with you through it all; through the questions, the anger, the heartbreak, the tears and one day, in the joy.