STXWM Blog

I have mice in my Christmas tree every year.  Allow me to elaborate.  My very first Christmas after college, I was newly married and my husband and I were newly installed as Associate Pastors at a rural church in North Texas settled in cotton farming country.  As part of our pay, we were allowed to live in the church parsonage on the property rent free!  What a blessing!  We were ecstatic to be in ministry and felt so blessed to be in this two bedroom home after spending the first year of our marriage in a 550 square foot, one bedroom, third floor walk up.  That first Christmas we were on a sharp learning curve about life in the country.  Part of our education came in the form of some Christmas visitors.  

When Christmas time came around we went to Walmart and got a real tree and a $3 string of Christmas lights but we had no ornaments, so we decided to decorate with candy canes.  I was so proud of our first tree, humble as it was.  As Christmas got closer, we started getting into small squabbles about who was eating our candy canes.  I thought he was doing it and he thought it was me; a minor annoyance for sure, but it soon became almost a daily conversation.  One night, as we sat on the couch watching TV, I saw some motion out of the corner of my eye near the tree.  As we turned our attention to it, we watched as one of the candy canes began to shake, and then move in short, jerky motions, and then disappear completely into the tree!  Naturally, I reacted as calmly as you would expect.  I jumped up onto the couch and screamed for my husband to go ahead of me to investigate.  He turned off the lights in the room but left the Christmas lights on.  In their glow we saw mice; not just one but several mice that appeared to have taken up residence in our tree with its endless supply of candy canes.

I had a mix of feelings which was overwhelmingly fear but also embarrassment.  I worried about what people would think if they knew we had a rodent problem!  We tried for several weeks to deal with it ourselves without telling a soul but soon, I felt comfortable enough with a sweet friend in the church to share it with her.  I cried and poured out my heart about all of my fear and embarrassment over the situation and asked her sincerely not to think badly of us for having brought this problem into the house that the church had so graciously allowed us to live in while we served there.  She smiled the most precious smile and I knew immediately that I was loved and accepted and that this situation did not change her opinion of me in any way.  I thanked her and asked her what I should do.  I told her everything we had tried so far.  She laughed and said,  “I gave up and learned to live with it a long time ago.”  I was stunned.  What?!  She went on to explain that this community had not had a new build in decades.  All the houses were old, wood frame buildings and all sprinkled in the middle of a community of cotton fields.  Mice were a fact of life out here in the winter.

I was dumbfounded.  I had been stressing and worrying and FEARING for weeks over a non-issue.  I had convinced myself that this perceived problem was a humiliation; something that would cause others to value me less once they knew it about me.

This started a tradition of making our own ornaments.  That year I made mouse ornaments and I made a lot of them.  Every year since, we have had mice in our Christmas tree and it is one of my children’s favorite stories to hear at Christmas time but for me, it’s a reminder.  I am reminded that God is present with us in all of life’s seasons.  Often when I am walking through a difficult time, it can feel so all-consuming that I forget that it’s not.  The enemy can use our difficult times to taunt us with shame to keep us isolated from each other, but God desires for us to encourage each other and lift each other up.  That is not to say that those times are insignificant or that my pain is not real, but I have found that walking through those times with a faithful, loving God and Godly sisters by my side can, not only get me through, but can often help me to settle into a new normal that I once thought I would never survive.  The story of the mice is a light and fun example of a very real truth for times when things are not-so-fun or light.

Thirteen years ago my marriage ended and I struggled to become accustomed to my new normal; a divorced, single mom of three.  At the time I told God what I needed Him to do.  (I know that you have never done that before. LOL)  I told Him then that I would not survive without my kids and He needed to be sure I never had to be without them.  Then He walked with me as I became accustomed to weekends and holidays on my own.  For a time, every one felt like I was going to die.  I would work, make plans with friends, and do anything I could to stay busy but at night, in an empty house I would cry out to God and He would get me through til morning.   Eventually, I settled into that new normal as well.  

Three years ago two of my children went to live with their dad and our roles were reversed.  That began my journey as the parent who gets “visits” instead of the one providing full time care and for a time, I thought it might kill me.  I even had loving friends who assured me that God would send them home.  Through tears I committed to God that I would faithfully serve Him even if He didn’t.

Those things which I told God were too much for me to bear were actually just too much for me to bear alone.  I still miss my kids every single day.  I still struggle sometimes between my weekends and holidays when they are home with me but I know that I am not walking alone and I know that those things that I once feared would end me are not greater than my God.  

As much as we would all like to believe that the joy and fun of this holiday season is a reality for everyone, unfortunately for some it is not.  If this time of year has come on top of a difficult season in your life, I am praying sincerely for deliverance, healing, provision and abundance for you and your home but know that wherever you walk God is going to be in front of you and by your side every step of the way.

In Deuteronomy 31:8 Moses encouraged Joshua with these words and I believe they are a promise to all believers:

“Do not be afraid or discouraged for the Lord will personally go ahead of you.  He will be with you; He will neither fail nor abandon you.”