STXWM Blog

“For God so LOVED the world, that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in Him would not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

I have recited this verse for as long as I can remember, and for just as long, I have been in awe of the idea of a Love that would give away His own Son to die for my sins.  I think that idea is probably universally awe-inspiring for those who believe it.  In sermons about this verse, I have heard pastors assert that as much as they love their congregants, they would not give their own children as a sacrifice for their sins, and as a mother, I would have to agree.  My children are precious to me; much more precious to me than someone else’s child.

This all made me want to understand the concept of Agape (unconditional love) more clearly.  First of all, the word “unconditional” seems a little impossible to attain in our human efforts.  Webster’s dictionary says that unconditional means absolute, pure, not stopping, complete, definite, consummate (to the highest degree).  I cannot say with confidence that the love I have experienced from myself or others meets every one of these qualifications to render it to be “unconditional.”

When researching the use of the Greek word “agape,” theologians state that it is used somewhere between 120 and 200 times in the New Testament.  God spent more time explaining unconditional love to us than any other form of the word.  Many of those references refer to God’s command to us to love Him first and to then love each other.  Mark 12:30-31 “And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind and all your strength.  The second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself.  No other commandment is greater than these.”  But the vast majority by far are to let us know how deep and how wide the love of God is for us.

The famous “Love Chapter” (1 Corinthians 13) describes how our Father, the Creator of the universe, loves us and calls for us to love others with the same passion and zeal.  1 Corinthians 12 is all about the ways in which the Holy Spirit gifts people to encourage and work in the body of Christ.  It is all about spiritual giftings that edify the body and move believers to become active in their faith.  Then along comes chapter 13, in which Paul begins by saying (paraphrase) that the gifts of the Spirit are worthless without the motivation of selfless love.  God honors Christ-like love given by the Holy Spirit higher than ministry, faith, or the possession or use of any spiritual gift.  Unconditional (Agape) love must be the rich soil from which all other talents, programs, and actions grow, or else they are meaningless, no matter how well-funded or well-planned they may be.  Ministry efforts that are not founded and built on love are doomed to fail because without love they cannot hope to fulfill the purposes of God.

I desire to truly grasp what this love is.  I want to understand this limitless, incomprehensible love with which God pours Himself out for me, and I want to understand how to become more like Jesus by pouring that love out for others.  1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 shows us that this love is described as an action, a behavior, a choice rather than an inner feeling.  These characteristics (these choices) describe God in all three persons.

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

What an incredible narrative of God’s great agape love for us.  Is He not patient and kind with us?  He does not behave like an insecure lover, punishing us with rudeness or silence.  He has offered us a way that is best for us, but it is a road we can choose to walk if we want to.  He does not demand our love and attention.  Who would want love that was forced?  He is not moody and unpredictable, causing us to walk on eggshells to be sure we do not “set Him off.”  He wants an honest and open relationship with us, even when we are not at our best.  When (not if) we wrong Him, He then casts our sins as far as the east is from the west and remembers them no more (Psalm 103:12).  He is not happy when we are in pain or when we become victims of the evil inflicted by others.  He has compassion for us, even in our sins.  Truth, though sometimes painful, sets us free.  He rejoices in the freedom, not the pain, even when we are not in a right relationship with Him.  He never rejoices in our pain.  As the father in the parable of the prodigal son, God watches for us to return every day that we are gone.  He always expects the best from us even when we repeatedly give Him our worst, and He never throws us away.  He never gets sick of hoping and wanting a relationship with us.  What an amazing love!  I feel overwhelmed by the sheer capacity of it.

With something so beautiful, how, then, are people so capable of getting it wrong sometimes?  I shudder to remember times when this very passage has been used as a weapon against our brothers and sisters.  The very definition of grace and acceptance has been used to excuse injustice and wrong.  We have talked about all the beautiful and limitless ways that God loves us.  Let me not fail to address what Agape love is not.  

Love is not transactional.  It is not given in exchange for what purpose someone can serve another or to ensure correct behavior.  If our love comes in exchange for our perception of righteousness in others, it is a perversion of the love God has demonstrated to us.  Romans 5:8 tells us that He demonstrated His love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  He required nothing in exchange for the love He gave us.  Love is not blind.  Love is not wandering in the dark without knowledge of the true character of who He loves.  Love rejoices in the truth!  God’s love knows us completely.  Love does not avoid accountability.  Love does not excuse or tolerate abuse in the name of “enduring all things.”  To use it in such a way is twisting God’s word in order to manipulate people’s behavior.  Love is not immature and punishing, but it also does not stay and tolerate infidelity.  God said in Exodus 34:14 that He is jealous God.  He is not petty, but He also does not stay in monogamous relationship with people who are unfaithful.  This is the example that God sets for us.  Love is not blind or silent when faced with a person being victimized.  Being “always hopeful” and never giving up is not a license to turn a blind eye to evil when people are harming others.  Does God love the perpetrator of abuse?  Yes!  He loves them enough to want to see them corrected, and He certainly loves victims enough to want to see them safe and loved rightly.  Love certainly forgives and forgives instantly once forgiveness is sought, but love teaches us to trust with wisdom and to see people restored appropriately over time.  Love is a gift of God that is given, but trust must be proven.

Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8), but it does not make us blind and deaf to wisdom. Love and wisdom go hand in hand because both are given by the Holy Spirit. God desires us all to walk in relationship with Him, and in His great love, He allows us to choose.

God, thank you for loving me and giving me an example to follow in loving others.  Thank you that your love holds me close and is protective of me.  Help me to be your hands and feet to others, reaching out in love rather than judgement.  Help me to accept your love and to truly understand what you see when you look at me.  Adjust my vision to see others the same way.  I love you, Lord!