STXWM Blog

I’m sure you’re familiar with the phrase, “Don’t cry over spilled milk.” This idiom suggests that it isn’t worth the time or energy to be upset or dwell on the past. What’s happened has happened, and all you can do now is clean it up. This would have been great advice back on Sunday, January 3^rd, 2021, after I spilled my water in a crowded restaurant, while celebrating my mother-in-law’s birthday. Allow me to tell you a story of a young mother slowly getting into the swing of things after losing a year of her life due to the world shutting down. Her emotions were high that day, and she didn’t realize that she was about to BLOW! This is my story.

It was the beginning of a new year, and we decided to go out after church and celebrate my mother-in-law’s birthday. It was all four parents, my husband, myself, and baby in tow. I always looked forward to our family lunches. We entered the crowded restaurant, which made no sense to me because we just went through a worldwide pandemic. But here we are not even a year later, and I’m having to claim my personal space. The waitress takes us to this teeny tiny booth that miraculously seated all seven of us. I excuse my daughter and I to the nearby restroom.

She was about 18 months around this time. She was eating solids, and this meant more work for mama when packing up her diaper bag. Instead of checking for her bottles, formula, and water, I had to make sure she had plates, bowls, sippy cups, and silverware. Looking back on it now, I probably didn’t have to bring all these items, but I was new to this mothering gig. We get back to the table, and I have her in her little seat (something else that I made sure to pack). Our waitress starts passing out drinks. I try to listen to the conversation at the table, but I can’t help but notice my baby waving her arms around her cup. I immediately jump into Mom Mode and reached across the table to move the cup out of the way. But alas, as I’m reaching to help prevent her from spilling her water, I end up spilling my own. What happened next is somewhat of a blur.

I slammed my hand on the table in disgust and then got incredibly embarrassed because I just made a scene and my whole family is now staring at me. I quickly run back to the bathroom where I lock myself in a stall and cry uncontrollably. After several attempts to leave the stall, I finally gained enough willpower to push through my emotions, just enough to tell my husband that I needed to go home. I apologized for my outburst, and proceeded outside where I sat on a bench and continued to cry. That’s all I could do at that moment.

If you travel by airplane, you’ll notice that when the flight attendant is going over the pre-flight safety procedures, they say in the case of an emergency, always adjust and secure your own oxygen mask, before assisting others. Why is this important? Because you could become unconscious and be useless to everyone around you. Unfortunately, this is where I was at. I was a walking zombie, trying to be a good mother, wife, pastor and losing consciousness while assisting others. To be honest, this incident was my wake-up call to take better care of my mental health. I was so concerned with my daughter’s needs that I had neglected my own. I had already recognized I was dealing with postpartum depression, but I didn’t know how to take care of it. You never want to admit you need help or confess that something is wrong, but most of the time it’s needed, especially when you’re suffering from depression and anxiety.

Did you know that God is no stranger to life’s burdens?

Matthew 11:28-  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Reading this scripture as a kid, I always imagined Jesus holding up an egg and cracking it over a frying pan. As I watch this egg cook, I start to feel all the pressures of the day melt away. It’s a funny image and not actually what Jesus is saying. When he mentions the yoke, he’s referring to the heavy wooden beam used to join two oxen together to pull a plow. This is the true picture of what God’s love can do. He takes our worry, doubt, fear, depression and anxiety and gives us his yoke of faith, reassurance, strength, joy, and peace.

Taking care of a tiny human for the first time was a struggle. I was never meant to carry such a heavy assignment alone. God blessed me with a wonderful husband, loving mother and mother-in-law, and countless aunts who were ready to hold her at any given moment. But how many times did I try to juggle my new hat all alone? I felt like Lucy (I Love Lucy) when she was walking down the stairs in a ridiculously large headdress. She couldn’t make it work. What made me think I could do it?

Every December I begin to pray that God would show me a word for the upcoming year. My word for 2021 was fight. I didn’t know that meant my mental health.

Psalm 14:14- “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

After I spilled my water, I went home and cried about it for 3 days. I was so ashamed by my absurd behavior that I couldn’t move past it. However, I sat in my pity long enough. I was done with the mom-guilt, the depression, the anxiety, and the emotional overload I bore every day. With the encouragement from my husband and family, I reached out to my health care provider.

Do me a favor: when you start to feel yourself go off the edge, hold on to someone, but most importantly, hold on to God. He’s the one who cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). Remember, it’s okay to ask for help and to prioritize your mental health and self-care. By taking care of yourself, you are better equipped to care for your loved ones. Let’s break the stigma and create a supportive community where every mother and woman can thrive. Together, we can overcome the challenges and embrace the joys of life with a renewed sense of hope and strength.

Philippians 4:6 – “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

Once I admitted I needed help, and reached out to others, things began to change in my life. I was happy again and started to take care of myself. Now it’s your turn. 

Melinda Brown is a mother, co-pastor, entrepreneur, and now she can add author to her ever growing list of gifts. She and her husband, Jason, pastor Columbus Community Church in South East Texas and now, Melinda has agreed to come on board as one of our newest authors on the STXWM Blog Team. Her heart is to share the love of Jesus through her writing and to tell the world of the healing and comfort that can be found in a relationship with the Lord.

For resources or help call the National Alliance for Mental Illness at 1-800-950-6264 or to chat you can text “NAMI” to 62640. In a crisis, call or text 988. (Faith based services are available upon request.)

Click this link to visit the mental health resources page for our South Texas Network Women’s Ministries Department: https://www.stxagwm.org/mental-health

*You can also speak to your healthcare advisor for resources on post partum depression.