STXWM Blog

I have struggled with how to write this blog for several weeks.  I called a friend for prayer and I told her that I was struggling with how to bring hope and encouragement to others in a part of my life where I often need it too.  She encouraged me to share what I’ve learned and what I still lean on even today.  So here it is…

When I was 14 my mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and we began our journey of finding the right mix of medications and treatments to help her to live and function in the world again.  Hindsight is often 20/20 so looking back even further we could see that this was something she had been struggling with for most of her life but at the time misinformation and stigma around such a diagnosis kept her from receiving the proper help.  I have been helping to care for her for the better part of 30 years and for most of that time, her diagnosis was a carefully guarded secret.

Now that you know who I am, allow me to share my struggles:

I have wrestled with a legal system and a health care system that is not as interested in helping patients as it is with making money and avoiding liability.

I have struggled to the point of exhaustion when caregiving for someone who very often did not want care.

I have mourned how some in the church world have chosen ignorance and fear rather than being willing to look at my mom (at all of us) and see a child of God.

I have contended with God for her healing and fought to stay faithful year after year as she continues to struggle.

I have sought direction and feared that every move I made was wrong.

I have grieved the loss of my mom without the peace of knowing that she is safe in Heaven because she still walks the earth and yet the mom I knew is already gone.

I wish I could tell you that I had all the answers and that after reading this it will all be better but that’s not what I have to offer.  All I can give you is the hope that I have received and it comes from Psalm 23.

“The Lord is my Shepherd.  I have all that I need.”  

When I feel like I have lost everything, He says that I have all that I need.  God told Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you; and my strength is made perfect in your weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)  Through the years I have lost her.  

I feel like this applies to those who are caring for someone with a memory loss condition as well.  The person you love disappears inside this person you are caring for, so far inside that they are hard to recognize anymore.  Often caregiving for someone with a life altering condition takes a toll on the family as well. 

 In the face of losing family relationships, financial resources, plans that take a backseat to caregiving….still He says that we have all that we need because HE is all that we need.  All of the joy, patience, peace, provision and help that we need can be found in Him.

“He lets me rest in green meadows; He leads me beside peaceful streams.  He renews my strength.”

Peace and strength are free and God gives them to us liberally because He loves us and because we are not walking this road alone.

I know that this work can feel lonely and draining but God provides comfort and strength through His word and through the love of brothers and sisters in Christ who can walk this road along with you.

“He guides me along the right paths bringing honor to His name.”

He will guide me.  He is faithful to close the doors that need to close and to open the ones He wants me to walk through.  I am not making these decisions by myself.  I am working with the only One who loves her more than I do.

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for You are close beside me.  Your rod and Your staff protect and comfort me.”

This valley gets so very dark sometimes and I do get afraid but He is here and He holds me when I’m scared.  He stays close to me.  He uses His rod and staff to fight off those who would attack me and seek to discourage me.  His protection and love are a comfort to me while I struggle through this with my family.

“You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies.  You honor me by anointing my head with oil.  My cup overflows with blessings.”

God provides for me in the moments when I need to defend myself and turns those who would approach me as enemies into co-laborers with me breaking bread at a common table with a common goal. 

God anoints me for the work of caregiving and He lets me know that this season in my life does not exclude me from ministry to the greater church but rather equips me with special tools to be used for His glory.

He blesses the work of my hands in every avenue of service.

“Surely Your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.”

As I read this my mind sings “Your goodness is running after, running after me.”  His goodness and love pursues me!  I do not have to earn His love.  I will never be so undeserving that He would stop wanting me.  

He loves my mom and seeks, just as I do, for her good and He loves me too.  I am not just a tool to ensure the care of my mother.  I am His child and I am important to Him.  I am so loved.  He is proud of me.

For much of my life, I have gauged my worth in this world (and to God) by how well I serve others and what I have to offer.  That is quite frankly, not scriptural.  It is a lie of the enemy and a weight that we sometimes voluntarily assume.  The only reason I can think of for this, is that we have spent more time listening to the world than to God.

Dear sister,

This is a season.  Maybe a really long one but a season, nonetheless.  This is not your only calling even though it can often feel all consuming.  “He grace is sufficient” is not a platitude or an indictment against you.  I know when I first had someone tell me this when I was walking through a tough time, it sounded more like “get over it.”  It is reassurance that He has got this.  He has got you and He has got them.  The whole situation is in His hands and He can be trusted.

I know how tiring this can be.  You are so loved and you are not alone.  Not only is God with you, but there are countless others who are also in this season with you.  Trust in God and lean on us.  I need you and I want to be there for you too.  Together we can do this.

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

Mental Health Resources are available at https://www.stxagwm.org/mental-health and if you are in crisis you can visit your nearest emergency room or call 988 24 hours a day for live help.

Support and education for caregivers can be found at https://www.nami.org/support-education/support-groups/nami-family-support-group/ and for local support please get involved in your local church and seek support within a faith community.

Stephanie Sharp is a teacher, a writer, a musician and an ordained minister.  She is also a divorced, single mother of 3 teenagers.  She writes for the South Texas Women’s Ministries Blog and founded a ministry for ladies walking through divorce and single motherhood called The Well.  You can contact Stephanie at thewellwm@gmail.com.