STXWM Blog

I’ve heard this said countless times while growing up. If I was fighting or arguing with my siblings, or expressed anger at a family member, someone was always quick to remind me that “Blood is thicker than water. You’ll get over it, if only because you have to.” It makes sense, doesn’t it? Blood as a substance is thicker than water, so I never thought twice about what everyone was impling: You must forgive your family at all costs. 

If you’ve ever met me, you might know that I absolutely detest doing something just because someone says so. Don’t worry.  The Lord is sanctifying that spirit of rebellion out of me, but it will take time. Whenever I would seek God in scripture, I would also see friends that were more like family and family that were more like enemies. In fact, we don’t even make it out of the first book of the Bible before Cain kills Abel and Joseph’s brothers sell him into slavery! Apparently because blood is thicker, it can stain all it touches when it’s spilled. 

Do you feel like you have a relationship that has been stained by those closest to you? Like Cain, overcome with anger and jealousy, committed the first murder? Or Joseph’s brothers, who desired the love and affection that their father gave to another for themselves? Have unmet expectations from family or perhaps the Church or other Christians left a deep stain on your heart? How do we move forward? How do we forgive when it is those closest to us, or those we perceive to be close to God, that have caused such a stain on our hearts?

I was reminded by my pastor this weekend that those closest to us have the greatest ability to hurt us. That’s why hurt from the church hurts the most and familial hurts cut the deepest. Psalm 55: 12-14 says,

“If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were rising against me, I could hide. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the house of God, as we walked about among the worshipers.” 

I want to touch on a sensitive topic here, but I would be remiss if I allowed this opportunity to pass without acknowledging it. Sometimes it is other Christians who hurt us the most. We have higher expectations for those who walk with Jesus, and many times when those expectations are unmet and people sin, our spirits can deflate. The enemy uses that opportunity to come in and “steal, kill, and destroy.” I am not suggesting that you turn a blind eye and I will not misquote our King and say to just turn the other cheek. Allow yourself to feel the hurt and pain that sin and unmet expectations brings and then allow your loving Father to adjust your gaze back to Him. 

Whether it is your genetic family, your church family, or your chosen family—blood is thicker than water, but that saying isn’t finished. There is a key part that’s often left out. 

“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” 

When the original phrase is quoted in its entirety, it takes on an entirely new meaning. No longer are we bound to just the genetic makeup of our bloodlines. No longer do we have to strive and toil to force relationships where there isn’t one. It’s not the blood we are born into, but the blood of the covenant shed by Jesus on the cross that is thicker than the water of our maternal womb. 

This realization should not give us carte blanche to write off our siblings or family in favor of others who tell us what we want to hear, or allow us to act in whichever way we desire. It should, however, be a comfort that those who are covered by the covenant of Jesus are also our family. Many of us are born into loving homes with beautiful familial relationships. That doesn’t mean that it is not hard or messy, but it does give us a solid foundation to return to when we are offended.  

For others who don’t have a good relationship with their biological family, or whose family has passed on and might feel alone in the world, hopefully this is a comfort. You are not abandoned or without a home or family. You are a part of the largest family, those who profess Jesus as their Savior!

We cannot control what happens to us no matter how hard we try. We cannot control how others perceive us, our words, or actions but we can act and react in love and choose to forgive offenses that come from both blood and water relationships around us. 

“What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing. It also depends on what sort of person you are.” C. S. Lewis, The Magician’s Nephew.

Let us take this opportunity to see where we are standing with our family and other relationships God has blessed us with. Can you audaciously embrace forgiveness and mercy where you have been hurt or stained by another? Can you embrace your Church family and, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:16)?  I challenge you to pray and meditate on the full phrase: “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Ask the Lord to present opportunities to you where you can share about the goodness of God and His gift of the cross as well as embrace Hebrews 4: 12.  “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

MaKenzie V. is a global worker who has faithfully been serving the unreached in the Arab World while growing her family. Almost every moment of the day is spent chasing Jesus and her toddlers- usually with a cup of hot tea or coffee in hand. She enjoys learning languages, deep belly laughs, and connecting with others where God has them.