STXWM Blog

I love the book of Ruth.  If you haven’t read it in a while I encourage you to read it (or listen to it) this week.  It’s the story of a family; an unconventional one.  Those are my favorite kinds of families because it looks more like mine that way.

In this story, Ruth is a widow and Naomi is her mother-in-law.  Ruth chooses to struggle with her mother-in-law rather than to return to an easier life with her father.  Her father could have found her a new husband and provided for her while she waited but with Naomi she became the provider in a world that was not welcoming to women in the workplace.

I love the narrative of a mother-in-law that was so amazing and loving that Ruth wanted to go with her and care for her rather than choosing her own comfort.  This is such a different picture of a “mother-in-law” from what we see in our culture today.  I love this story of the mother-in-law being such an encouragement and motherly figure in Ruth’s life.  I pray often that God would make me into a “Naomi” for my bonus children one day and that He would send “Naomis” to love my children in their families as adults.  In Naomi, God gave us a hero to aspire to in our adult lives.  How awesome is that?!

But more than anything, this is a story of a family restored and rebuilt by a loving God and not in the way you might expect.  Maybe, not even in the way Ruth would have thought to pray for in the beginning.

When my marriage ended 14 years ago, I prayed for restoration and as I prayed I decided what that restoration would look like.  When it did not arrive packaged in the story I wrote, I was tempted to judge God with being unfaithful.  I was not the only one.

When marriages struggle or even fail, our first thought is that we are going to pray and God is going to bring this marriage back together.  The only problem with our plan is that both parties have to be willing to participate with the Lord to achieve it.  

When my divorce became final and my ex-husband remarried, I rewrote the story.  I was sure that God’s will would be for me to remarry to a Godly man and for all my children to be raised in my home in the fear and the admonition of the Lord.  Right?!  It sounded like the best case scenario to me.  But life did not follow my script this time either.

Fourteen years later, I am not remarried and two of my children live with their dad.  I watched as my ex-husband seemed to succeed in love and in money and I was tempted again to charge God with being unfaithful.  But nothing was more of a challenge to my faith than to see my children leave my home to move in with him.  (Wow! Stephanie, this is not very encouraging!)  I’m sorry but this testimony needs to be told and someone out there needs to hear it.

Restoration is not the fulfillment of our plans by God.  Restoration by definition is the repairing, replacing, building up and returning that which was destroyed.  For Ruth and Naomi, death destroyed their home, their security, and their place in society.  My divorce destroyed all the same things for me.  Divorce is a death of sorts; not the death of the family but rather, the death of a home.

I will be honest.  Part of the narrative that I wrote for God included me succeeding and my ex-husband floundering.  I was hurt and from the outside of his life looking in, it appeared that everything was going his way, while my life disintegrated before my eyes.  I desired justice without mercy for him and mercies new every morning for myself.  This is the result when we write the story.  Our narratives tend to include our fear and pain and incorporate them into the outcome but God can take a story filled with pain, fear and insecurity and breathe His life into it for an ending devoid of the enemy’s schemes.

I do not tell this next part to brag on anyone but God.  Remember, I am the petty one in this story.  (LOL)  However, when the boys told me that they wanted to go live with their father several years ago, my heart broke but almost instantly there was an overwhelming peace that I could not have managed for myself.  I told the boys I needed a few days before we talked about it and I prayed…..a lot.  I begged God not to allow this to happen but even during that time God reminded me of what I prayed over my children.  I asked God to guide them to Him in all of their lives and to “give them a love for His house, for His people, and for His word.”  God asked me during those days of prayer to remember that He loves my children even more than I do and that He would honor my prayer for them no matter where they are.  I was honest with them and with their dad about my reservations but eventually had no choice but to concede.  They were at an age where it was their choice.  A year later my daughter decided to go too but came back after about 6 months.

I will not tell you that I was a saintly figure during this time (or during my divorce for that matter).  I struggled in my faith and in my mental health.  I had served God all of this time and my ex-husband had not.  Why?!  This was not fair!  How is this the faithfulness of God?!

Here’s how.  What I have come to understand about the beauty of restoration is that the repairing, replacing, building up and returning only happens on the outside when all those involved allow it happen on the inside first.  God was repairing me, replacing my fear with faith, building up my self image to be the one that He sees when He looks at me, and returning the safety and the peace that was lost in the breaking.

Once upon a time when my marriage was falling apart I told God that I would not survive if He allowed my kids to be taken from me but here I was still standing, still living and recognising that my kids were never taken, nor did they abandon me.  

If you are in a custody struggle please hear this.  This was one of the most liberating things that God ever revealed to me in this process.  There came a time, after my divorce that my house became my home without my ex-husband.  When my children were there, it was complete.  But it’s different for the kids.  They always have to miss someone.  With him, they missed me and with me, they missed him.  Neither home was ever complete for them.  They love their dad and their love for him does not diminish their love for me.  It’s not a competition.  They had lived with me all their lives and they knew they would always be welcomed back again.  It was because they loved me and felt at home with me that they felt safe to go to his house and try living there too.  

This is restoration.  I may not be remarried but I love my life and I feel safe and at peace in it again.  My children come and go between both homes now without the restraints of the court ordered arrangements.  At one time, the relationship between their dad and I was so contentious that we could not talk without a lawyer present.  This is restoration.  I am able to pray for his salvation and for things to go well for him.  This is restoration.  I am able to tell this story today because I survived and in my life now, I am thriving.  This is restoration.  

My life is not perfect.  I have not seen the fulfillment of every promise but I have seen God come through time and again and I know that He continues to move and work for my good.  This is restoration.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

What does your restoration look like?  If you are living in it now, do you recognize God’s hands and how far He has brought you?  If you are praying for it now, are you writing the story yourself or are you allowing God to hold the pen?

It may not look how you think best but trust me, God knows better than we do.  Ruth could never have foreseen that a day of hard labor in a field would eventually end in a love story that would make her the owner of that field.  I know that it is tempting to doubt God but I encourage you to welcome the challenge to your faith.  Ask Him questions.  Scream at Him when you need to.  He can take it.  Just don’t stop talking to Him.  Hold on sister, He will restore! 

Zion City Worship – Restore (Live) 

Stephanie Sharp is a teacher, a writer, a musician and an ordained minister.  She is also a divorced, single mother of 3 teenagers.  She writes for the South Texas Women’s Ministries Blog and founded a ministry for ladies walking through divorce and single motherhood called The Well.  You can contact Stephanie at thewellwm@gmail.com.