STXWM Blog

Once upon a time there was a little girl who loved to dance. She would move gracefully across the floor to each beat of the music. Her classmates would watch in awe and anxiously duplicate the routine along with her. She had the biggest smile on her face as she pranced around the stage. Dancing made her happy and she didn’t have a care in the world. Her heart was filled with dreams.

Until one day that little girl grew up and became a young adult. Suddenly, she had more responsibilities- papers, assignments, projects, waking up on time, eating before the cafeteria closed and cleaning her dorm room. She didn’t dance anymore.

At the age of 24, she became a wife and children’s pastor. This meant she was helping her husband lead their family and their ministry. Her responsibilities were more important than completing homework or making sure her room was clean. This is when the doubt would start to creep in. “What if I’m not good enough? What if I let everyone down?” were the questions rolling around in her mind.

You probably have picked up on it by now that this little girl… is me. Today, I’m 38. I’m a wife, mother, co-pastor, teacher, writer, and an entrepreneur trying to balance all my hats on top of my head while riding a unicycle. If I lose my balance, even for a second, then all my hats will come crashing down, creating some sort of domino effect from the sky, leaving me to pick up all the hats and trying to find the courage to ride again. Just to clarify, I don’t even know how to ride a unicycle, therefore making the balancing a harder task to pull off.

Thank goodness this is only an image in my head. But it’s an image I think about often. I just want to make people happy and not lose all my hats. I guess I never realized this about myself but I’m a bit of a people-pleaser. Ooh, I really don’t like that term. Perhaps we should use something else like accommodating. I tend to accommodate the feelings of others at the expense of my own, which further hinders my hat trick. Even though a new hat may bring me stress, anxiety, guilt, frustration, and fear, I wear it anyway.

The fear of disappointing others, also known as atelophobia, is a common psychological condition characterized by an intense anxiety and fear of failing to meet the expectations of others. This fear can lead to significant distress and interfere with daily life. This type of fear can leave you feeling paralyzed.

Not too long ago, this was how I felt taking on a new project. I started to look at all the steps that were involved, and that’s when the panic set in. I began to hear those questions of doubt: “What if I’m not good enough? What if I let everyone down?” The doubt quickly turned into fear, and it left me frozen. I was so overwhelmed by all the negative thoughts that I didn’t even try to accomplish anything.

That’s when I should have held on to God’s Word. God hasn’t called me to be stressed, anxious or to have a spirit of fear.

Psalm 139:14- “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

If we break down this verse, fearfully means a sense of awesome wonder, respect, and awe at the Creator’s power, not being afraid. Wonderfully signifies being uniquely set apart, skillfully crafted, and marvelous, highlighting the distinct plan God has for us his children. We were created to do amazing things for him! But how can I accomplish these amazing things if I don’t even try?

This year, my 6-year-old daughter started dancing. She was so excited! She was full of wonder as she watched her classmates do cartwheels and flips. Unfortunately, she had never done a cartwheel or a flip. She began to get nervous as the teacher called her name, I could see it in her eyes. She walked up to the mat and put her hands up. Her teacher was eagerly standing ready to help. She started to go down and couldn’t quite complete the move. She got discouraged, and said, “I can’t do it.” Just then her teacher looked at her and said, “Yes, you can because we can do hard things.” This is the dance studios’ motto: We can do hard things. They even made a neon sign to hang on the wall. A few weeks into tumbling and she’s gained confidence in herself. She’s trying and she’s not letting her fear get in her way.

One evening, I received a text from a friend. She was explaining how she had been sick, and she felt like she was letting everyone down because she couldn’t meet their expectations during that time. She even confessed to me that she didn’t want to disappoint me because she was still sick and wouldn’t be able to attend an event. I immediately heard the Holy Spirit tell me to call her. I knew exactly what I was going to say, because I finally realized it for myself. I told her that she wasn’t responsible for my happiness, or anyone else’s. The only one she had to please was God. We get so wrapped up in what others expect of us that we lose sight of who really matters- God. He’s the one who created us to do wonderful things and to be fearless. I told her to take care of herself first, then she’d be able to take care of everything else.

When was the last time fear stopped you from doing something new? Are your hats leaving you feeling paralyzed? It’s okay. Remember, you don’t have to do this alone.

God is right there holding you up and saying, “You can do hard things.”  This week don’t give up and don’t quit. Give your hats to him and He’ll help you keep your balance. 

Isaiah 41:10- “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” 

Melinda Brown is a mother, co-pastor, entrepreneur, and now she can add author to her ever growing list of gifts. She and her husband, Jason, pastor Columbus Community Church in South East Texas and now, Melinda has agreed to come on board as one of our newest authors on the STXWM Blog Team. Her heart is to share the love of Jesus through her writing and to tell the world of the healing and comfort that can be found in a relationship with the Lord.