STXWM Blog

If I close my eyes, I can still picture that night, the night I knew God had called me into ministry. I remember where our youth group was sitting, toward the top of the San Antonio Convention Center. I remember the testimony of a missionary from Vietnam who spoke at that Mighty Warriors Conference. For those who didn’t grow up in our fellowship, that is what Youth Conference is called now. I even remember the shirt I bought to commemorate the experience.

I remember the pull of the Holy Spirit tugging me toward the altar at the edge of the stage. I remember the mix of excitement, pride, and fear as I stepped forward, declaring to my peers that I was set apart and meant for something more. I remember going home and telling my Memaw that God had called me into ministry. She reminded me that God had spoken to her long ago that her descendants would be pastors and missionaries. I was a fulfillment of that promise. As Scripture says in Jeremiah 1:5, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” God had called me, and He had set me apart for His work.

And yet, I also remember the fear. The fear that I wasn’t enough. That there was no way I could do whatever it was God wanted, or even needed me to do. How could I, a twelve-year-old girl born to a fourteen-year-old mother, living in a family surviving on food stamps and welfare, ever be anything God could use? As strongly as I was convinced of His call, by the following week, I was already battling the attacks of the enemy and my own thoughts, wondering if it was even possible.

When I was younger, a missionary came to our home church from Nepal, and I was thrilled. I felt God calling me to serve there one day. But I remember when he gently said, “No, He didn’t,” and encouraged me to ask God for someplace else. That moment crushed me. I felt defeated. I felt like if this was wrong, then maybe I was wrong about everything. I struggled to understand, questioning if I had heard God correctly or if I was even capable of following His call. It was one of the first times I realized that God’s timing and placement are always His, even when it feels devastating.

At seventeen, I attended a discipleship training program, hoping it would solidify my path. Instead, I spent the time trying to prove that I deserved to be there rather than learning where I could serve. I thought I needed to earn my place in ministry, but God was quietly shaping me through the struggle, teaching me patience, humility, and dependence on Him.

When we couldn’t afford for me to attend the second year, I ran from God like I never had before. I did everything I could to discourage the ability to be used by Him. I desperately tried to find something, anything, that would put some distance between myself and the God who loved me. I ran for almost ten years, until finally, at twenty-five, I found myself in the same church where I had been dedicated as an infant. This time, I decided I was going to follow Him, no matter what it looked like. Even if the ministry I was called to meant working fast food and loving the people who came through the drive-through, I would follow Him.

Years later, when I finally became a youth pastor at thirty, I felt like I had fulfilled the call God had birthed in me all those years ago. Only to be fired from full-time ministry five years later. At the time, I thought it was over. I thought I was done. I thought I had tripped and been disqualified from the race God had called me to run. Looking back now, I realize I needed to be fired. I had allowed my position to become more important than the call. I had become a “full-time pastor” instead of following Jesus in whatever area He wanted to use me. That season was painful, humbling, and necessary for me to remember that God’s call is never about a title, a role, or recognition; it is about obedience, faithfulness, and surrender wherever He leads.

Since then, I have done odd jobs, seeking to serve wherever I could. I have healed through seasons of doubt, disappointment, and growth. Today, I work part-time as a campus coordinator for a Christian-based nonprofit, sharing Jesus with students who want to learn more about Him. My husband and I are also becoming the interim children’s pastors at our church, a path I never imagined for myself.

But here is the truth I have learned. I did not miss the call. I did not outrun God or get disqualified. Romans 8:38-39 reminds us that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. Nothing I did removed the call of God. He has been with me in every step and every stumble. He has loved me and held my hand as I stood back up, learning to walk again. He has orchestrated a beautiful melody from notes that did not even make sense.

The fear of missing the call of God is something so many of us struggle with, whether because we doubt our ability to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit clearly or because we doubt our own worth. We question if we are “enough,” if our past failures disqualify us, or if God really can use someone like us. Yet Scripture reminds us in Philippians 1:6, “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” God is continually at work in us, even when we cannot see the full picture. He has taken my doubts, my missteps, and even my running away, and woven them into something beautiful. My testimony is still being written, and every fear, every failure, and every detour has been part of His divine plan. He is faithful to finish what He started, and nothing we do, no misstep, no setback, no season of doubt, can nullify His calling on our lives.

Walking in the call of God requires audacious faith. It requires surrendering completely to His will and stepping forward even when the path is unclear or unconventional. Whether He calls us to a formal position, a small act of service, or a role we never imagined, the call itself remains unshakable. God’s work in our lives does not depend on our status, our success, or our understanding. It depends on our willingness to follow, trust, and obey. And when we do, we find that His purposes are far greater than we could have ever dreamed.

Tracie Tevault is a recent addition to the STXWM blog team. Married for 15 years to her best friend, Tracie is raising one awesome son and three spoiled cats. With a heart for ministry, Tracie has served in many areas, but her true passion lies in reaching those who might not fit the traditional church mold. She’s all about showing people they are loved, valued, and created with a purpose.