STXWM Blog

I am an author….obviously.  I am a teacher, a mother, a daughter, a sister.  I am a dog owner.  I love coffee, being in my house and I prefer experiences over things.  I am a church member, an ordained minister, a college graduate, a musician and a fairly good cook (according to my kids).  I love to write and to spend time with people.  I don’t actually love situations where people have to look at me for long periods of time which is a real challenge when you preach.  Of all the things there are to tell you about me, the least interesting (in my opinion) is that I’m single.  There is so much more to my life than the absence of a husband in it, but it seems to be the thing that I get asked to discuss the most.

Is it hard to be single? No.  

Do I get lonely? Sometimes.  

What am I doing about it? Nothing.

I do not consider my singleness to be a problem to be solved. 

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul has a lot to say about marriage and singleness, but my favorite is in verse 7.  

“⁷ But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.”

I hear people say all the time that the Bible says singleness is a gift and it does say that, but it also says marriage is a gift.  “Each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.”

Marriage is a gift and if God ever chooses to give that gift to me then, I will gladly accept it, However, for most of my adult life, the gift He has chosen for me is singleness and I have gladly accepted it as well.

I never want to downplay those who desire marriage or seem flippant about the matter.  I have definitely understood the loneliness and even the envy of watching others in my life enjoy the gift of marriage and wish that I could enjoy it sometimes too.  I understand how the desire to be married and not seeing that desire fulfilled can begin to interfere with what we know to be true about who we are in Christ.  It is difficult to feel valued when you struggle with feeling “unchosen”.  *I have been down the road (and probably will go there again) when you have to walk through the death of a family member alone or deal with big decisions wishing for another adult to talk things over with.*  I do not take the seriousness of those things lightly, nor do I deny how the enemy would use those experiences to draw our hearts into hurt and anger with God.

What I want to do today is answer some of the questions that I have received (a lot of us have received) with a little more clarity from the Word of God, maybe more for those who aren’t single than for those who are.  But for those of you, brothers and sisters, who walk this road alongside me, be encouraged.

When am I going to get married?

I don’t know.  Maybe never.  The important thing is that it is not the focus we are called to.  “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good works He planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10).  We have work to do for the Kingdom and people who need to hear about the saving power of Jesus Christ.  So, in the meantime, I’ll answer this question with Isaiah 60:22, “At the right time, I, the Lord, will make it happen.”

If I’m single at my age, what’s wrong with me?

Not a thing.  I know that none of us are perfect, and we should always strive toward holiness and wholeness in the Lord, but never forget what Ephesians 2:10 says about you; “We are God’s masterpiece.”  A masterpiece still under construction, but that is true for all followers of Christ, married or single.  1 John 3:1 says “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God.”  You are a treasured child of God and He has a purpose and plan for your life.

What’s taking so long?

Compared to what?  There is no time limit or blueprint to follow when it comes to a life lived for the Lord.  We obviously follow Jesus’ example, but the Bible is full of unique and beautiful stories of how God shows Himself to be faithful to His promises in His time and in vastly different and wonderful ways.  He is not on our schedule and you are not on anyone else’s schedule.  For a reminder of how intricately involved God is with your day to day life look at Psalms 139.  He was there before we were born and has already gone ahead of us to our futures to wait.  He walks beside us as our companion, in front of us to shield us, and behind us to make us feel safe along the way.  

God, I pray that this month as we examine what Your Word has to say to our hearts about singleness, that You would give encouragement where there has been sadness or pain. A focused vision where there has been confusion or fear, and that You would speak so loudly of Your love and Your calling for us in the church and in this world.  Open doors that would not be available to others and give us the boldness to answer the call to work the fields white with the harvest.  Hear the cry of our hearts as we focus on the good works you prepared for us to do, “Here I am, Lord.  Send me.”  (Isaiah 6:8)

by Stephanie Sharp, Author of Journey to the Well